Tylenol??
Pregnant Junkies??
As I write this, I am emerging from the depths of one of the greatest T-holes of all time. Put simply, I love acetaminophen. It’s the active ingredient in Tylenol, hence the T in T-hole. I love getting home from work, cracking open a nice room-temperature bottle of Tylenol, and washing it down with a nice viscous glass of Day-Quil. When I tell most people this, they look at me like I am crazy. Nobody seems to understand the work ethic that it takes to abuse a medication that, when taken in excess, produces cramping, pain, and induces vomiting. Recently, however, I found a group of the population that is also addicted to Tylenol. A motley crew of fellow pill poppers who understand my commitment to over-the-counter drugs, of course, I am talking about pregnant women.
I have chosen to reveal my noble addiction mostly because of the news of the minute. If you haven’t heard, the schmuck who is in charge of some TLA (three-letter agency), recently announced through the commander in chief that Tylenol during pregnancy causes autism in children. It should be noted by the reader at this point that the author, a known autist, was overjoyed by the announcement, as he knew more autistic people would make him seem more normal. However, after a celebratory session spent playing map games and watching Northernlion, I realized this was the breakout journalistic moment of my career. I could leverage my connections with the community of Tylenol addicted pregnant women that I had come to know and love. So with them in mind, I set out to understand the story behind PTAW (pregnant tylenol addicted women).
I began in my attempt to understand women like most men do, rigorously studying what other men are saying about them. The aforementioned schmuck is none other than a man, and one with a distinguished lineage. Robert F Kennedy is the head of some federal health thingy; if you really care that much, look it up. He announced his Tylenol findings on Monday as a part of his wider campaign to Make America Healthy Again. RFK’s special interest is autism and its causes, and he points to almost any pharmaceutical product to explain his previously held belief. Ironically, the time that RFK’s slogan calls back to is one where all sorts of pharmaceutical concoctions were widely available over the counter. Drugs were not regulated and studied like they are today until Nixon took control after the psychedelic energy of the 60s receded into nothingness. In fact, women were not advised to avoid drinking while pregnant by the government until 1977.
While Kennedy and his misleading nostalgia are the main drivers of this crusade against autism, it wouldn’t be possible without another man. Dr. Andrea Baccarelli, an Italian American scientist and researcher, is the Dean of Harvard’s School of Public Health. His study, published in 2025, was cited repeatedly by the Trump administration as they sought to warn women about the dangers of Tylenol. Importantly, he also served as an expert witness for lawsuits against the maker of Tylenol. An endeavor that netted him about $150,000 for around 200 hours or 4 weeks of work. Some might speculate that he had an incentive to find a result that allowed him to be paid, and those people might be on to something.
The final man responsible was the president himself. DJT, backed by RFK, was the one who gave the press conference. In his usual improvisational style went beyond the claims of the studies and of researchers to add his own personal flair. To sum up the highlights, he stated that Amish people don’t have autism because they don’t take vaccines, nobody knows what’s in vaccines and they might cause autism, and on Tylenol, “Don’t take Tylenol if you’re pregnant, and don’t give Tylenol to your child when he’s born or she’s born”. (Transcript of the full press conference if you are curious). Love him or hate him, the Don knows how to turn a study into headline gold that will capture the attention of people everywhere. DJT, like RFK, has a nostalgia-based slogan with MAGA. After these comments, it seems the America that Donald Trump thought was so great was the America of 1918, when the flu pandemic killed .6% of the US population.
Now that we have covered what the men in power think, I am going to take a step most men today have ignored. I asked the women themselves what they thought about this issue that affects them. I will not be naming these women, mostly to protect their privacy, and to prevent any backlash they might face by participating in such a controversial publication. The first PTAW I sought out possesses an intimidating intellect and has been a person I have sought counsel from in prior situations. When I asked her what she thought, she responded by pointing out that the study referenced by the president concluded “ a potential causal relationship is consistent with temporal trends—as acetaminophen has become the recommended pain reliever for pregnant mothers, the rates of ADHD and ASD have increased > 20-fold over the past decades”. She elaborated that the diagnosis criteria were changed in 1994, which led to more people being labeled autistic, which she thinks explains the results.
Being an intelligent person capable of nuance, she further explained that scientists do not understand exactly how any substance interacts within the human body; they are just capable of explaining general effects. To prove her point, she sent me this article that shows a debate between scientists about what specific neurological process Tylenol changes. Additionally, she commented on the incentive that researchers have to publish papers that show a connection, and null results often remain unpublished. This means that papers that show no connection between Tylenol and Autism might not exist because researchers are incentivized to provide new information, not confirm what we already know. She continued to point out that we know Tylenol is much safer than the other pain relief alternatives available to pregnant women, and it is the one still recommended by the government despite claims made by the men in power.
Another woman took a different approach. This pregnant tylenol addicted woman has a wife and is used to having a unique perspective. She admits to enjoying pushing against societal norms and challenging the hegemonic perspective. When I asked about her opinion on the recent news, she said that it made her even more enthusiastic to take Tylenol over the course of her pregnancy. She argued that pregnant women are among the most diligent people on the planet when it comes to what they eat and how it might impact their children. When the news came out, she was outraged that this administration would put out information that might cause women to hesitate if they needed Tylenol during their pregnancy. She noted that Tylenol alleviates fever, which is known to be dangerous for the baby in the womb.
Additionally, she questioned why the head of a TLA (three-letter agency) was so concerned about the rise in autism. Autism is not an incurable life life-threatening disease like sickle cell anemia. An autistic adult is not dangerous to themselves and others; she believed it was not a disease that the government needed to turn its attention to. She told me stories of autistic friends that she had and enjoyed hanging out with, and worried that the government’s efforts were part of a wider campaign they were undertaking to eliminate anyone different from the norm. The government wants us all to be the same; they are eliminating queer history, cutting any diversity, deporting those who are not white, and now set on trying to “eliminate autism”. She was worried about the fascist messaging underlying the announcement and said she would gladly welcome an autistic child into this world with love.
There were many other perspectives among members of our group, but none as eloquently put or as well articulated as the one above. One interesting thing to note is that women had actually reached out after the announcement to our community, interested in becoming a part of the Tylenol underground. When I asked, I was surprised to learn about their commitment to the pill. They claimed they used it sparingly as needed, and multiple PTAW wondered who would be dumb enough to take Tylenol recreationally. When I revealed how often I consumed the chalky white tablets, they referred me to multiple programs and professionals they believed would help me. However, I am not pregnant, so I think maybe they should worry about themselves. I will continue to take the pill by the bottle in solidarity with the women of America, as they deal with the nonsense of this administration.